Creating Connection In a Disconnected World.
We live in a world that’s different from the one we entered into in March 2020. To say it’s been a wild ride the last two years would be an understatement, and it’s not a surprise that we feel more disconnected, overwhelmed, and lonely. But what if a global pandemic is just a convenient excuse, and the disconnection we feel existed before we had a scapegoat to blame it on?
It may be an unpopular take, but the majority of what is broken and suffering in our world and personal lives right now existed before covid, shutdowns, and the political division that has followed. It’s easy to point fingers and create narratives around who is doing what to cause this and that, but nothing will ease or resolve until we retreat into ourselves for reflection.
As women, we are constantly encouraged to embrace vulnerability, relationship, and community. But when we are exhausted from juggling demanding jobs, romantic partners, kids, family, etc. the idea of MORE can feel daunting and overwhelming. How can we be expected to make time for friends when we are running on empty? The answer is, you guessed it, SELF-CARE.
Self-care is a buzzword, but it’s often misused. Self-care is simply (but, really, it’s never simple) the act of caring for yourself. This does not mean indulging (that has its place), but instead, doing the things necessary to feel cared for emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Just like a kid who doesn’t want to eat their vegetables or take a bath, the care items on our lists are often the things we don’t want to do. But what happens when we regularly tend to our needs? Self-love and kindness expand, confidence increases, and intimate knowledge of who we are grounds us into the present.
Most of us can relate to being in groups or spaces that flood us with feelings of “not enough” or “too much”. When we see in others what we feel we lack and our response is shame, blame, and guilt, it should serve as the warning we need that we aren’t in alignment with ourselves. When you attend social events in the name of building relationships and community, but you leave feeling drained and depleted, the motivation to continue those efforts is likely next to nothing. A woman who knows and feels confident in herself, her worth, and her value is a woman who creates connection and community that fulfills and inspires rather than drains.
So many experiences and situations can contribute to feeling like you aren’t finding the relationships you desire, but those things will still point back to the need for self-care. Trauma, childhood wounding, grief, insecurity, anxiety, negative self-talk, depression… they all serve to disconnect us from ourselves and one another. When we open up to integrating the experiences, wisdom, and perspectives of our present selves we make space to let go of the relationships that no longer fulfill us and welcome in connections that feel authentic and inspiring.
I wish the answer here was easy, I wish it was a quick fix that required nothing more than a 5-minute blog post read and, “Poof!”, it’s cured. But, as with most things worth seeking, finding the way back to ourselves isn’t easy. Finding peace and value in who we are requires patience and courage, but it’s the truest path to authentic connection. It’s when we feel fulfilled and well cared for by ourselves that we know exactly who and what we need surrounding us.
